Red, Ripe, and Ridikilis

Well, the impulse I thought I cured years ago proved to be very prevalent in my subconscious after-all. Mrs. S has long been under the impression that every male on the planet will, through a Y-linked mutation occurring sometime in the early 18th century, stick his foot out as another student passes his desk. Now, it has been long indeed since I enjoyed tripping someone, and today, the pleasure was all mine. It was calculus class and the real Mandie had just turned in her quiz, I wasn't even aware of the decision, but out when my foot, and down went my prey. Bam! Like a cement block in Zelda: Ocarina of Time being pushed into place, the sound of the red-haired girl hitting the floor on all floors shook the classroom, and my innocent little mind-set; I had no intention of her actually falling. Being a politic lad, I did not laugh, and immediately (as those around me roared, herself included) demanded to know if she was OK. She was right in front of her desk, and did not stand, but slithered into her chair like a wounded, and very embarrassed, snake. Her resemblance to a big, beautiful, ripe tomato was uncanny, like comparing our president to a mentally-handicapped chimp. I denied the swarm of accusations coming at me, and beat the rap like Billy beat Gennifer Flowers. This was all well and good, until about half-way through class. D (Digression) When a volcano erupts every two months, the eruptions are fairly mild and calm, like a trouser-snake that is cranked three times a day. However, when the third leg is put into use once a month or so, the story becomes quite another tale. And just like Yellowstone (a supervolano whose biggest eruption was 2 million years or so ago and covered most of the continent in magma and affected the world's climate for decades) I burst. I laughed long and hard with no control, a sharp pain in my abdomen, and a developing stitch in my side. It made no difference, they all knew I was guilty, luckily Phares doesn't give much of a shit. Once I managed to calm down, I caught the eye of several of my buddies and round two started, and I swore I heard Rory commenting, "God bless us, every one."