It just is.

I've been an Offspring man since I first heard Bad Habit when I was 11-12ish. That's it. As I've grown as a person, the title of "favorite" album has been shifted around. I was angry then, among other things, and my album up to freshmen-sophomore year was Smash. It was about that time that the anger subsided and the now familiar feeling of disappointment consumed me, this brought in the era of Ixnay on the Hombre. That hasn't really changed, and my favorite song continues to be Amazed.

I'm not into image. I'm not into loud speakers or big tits. I'm not really that into lyrics even. In music, I gravitate ad affectum. Passion for the music and the message of the song. That's what language does, it tries to convey an idea. That's the key to my heart. That's why my band hasn't changed and I don't like any of this new shit. I've already found a band that has nailed a wooden board with the title "Offspring" into my heart. So go fuck yourself with your Fallout Boy and your 50-Cent and whoever else is on M-TV and VH-1 and BET.

In this past month, deep change has come about. I thought it was stable, but it's proven to be anything but. Anyway, since the rupture, I've understood the album Ignition. I've always liked the music and the lyrics of these twelve songs, but I never felt them like I do now, like I did Amazed from time naught. It hit me Thursday with physical inertia while I was on the bus, traveling to my swim meet. I was blown back into my seat, and my shoulder still hurts from the impact of this (song Dirty Magic) album. Nothing from Something and Forever and a Day are also both quite expressive. I believe this album defined and released the relationship phenomenon for the band. I listen to it, I feel it, I dig it.

I watched my absolute favorite movie tonight. I'd quite forgotten how much I love and am able to get into Donnie Darko. Movies, books, stories, they're all trying to transmit a story. I love to be taken for a ride, through plot twists, and action, and drama, and romance... I gravitate ad significationem. (I would use the English for feeling and meaning, but I have a different idea of the words, more refined, I think.) We all identify with songs, with books, with movies... These are mine.

In the search for God, I can only find evidence of Order and Balance. Karma. Monotheism is beautiful for control over morals and behavior. Like many other things, our Christianity has become stale and sour in the minds of many. This is not the fault of the God, of the Text, or of the Religion, it is the fault of the people. Do not IM me with flowing rage as a result of this. It's just that I feel We've lost sight of our aims, We're running so fast for the finish that We've forgotten why we're running to begin with. Over time, it just becomes part of us, a habit. Go here, say these things, put this much in the plate, smile at these people, shake these hands. This is not the way God is served. This is the very same reason our country is in the Rome-before-the-fall state it is in. We have lost sight of our beginnings. We elect fools because we couldn't be bothered to learn more about a candidate than the TELEVISION tells us. That is, of course, if we can even be bothered to vote in the first place. Vote or die, mother fucker. We don't give a shit about our forefathers, nor what they believed in for this country and its people. We only are forced to remember names and dates for the quiz on Friday. Fuck that. That is not education. That is no basis for a GPA, I say, college acceptance. Fuck you. There is much work to be done. But, We will walk angrily, blindly forward, with resolute and determined steps. I, however, know that no matter how determined I am to walk to Indianapolis, I cannot do this with legs destroyed. Our savior will be thought. This, above all, has to be accepted. Fuck them.

Again, I implore you not to rage at me, as I think you'll find my eyes are indeed open. This doesn't suggest I don't learn from people who have something to teach, or that I don't participate in conversation.

I have a very strong passion for life. We have all heard the idea of life being a circle. I'm more of the understanding that it is a sphere. This allows me to love fear, hatred, and destruction just as I love love, happiness, and creation. This is the unwavering, divine love I've read about.

Wow, in just under eighteen years St. Stefan has grown to level 27. (You know, like a video game)

Amate aut morite. Pax vobiscum.