Tired of This Shit

I just woke myself from a fucking weird dream.

I won't go into great detail, but I will tell you that three lives ended.

I drove my old 300M and as I was going somewhere, I noticed some bright, shiny silver glinting at me from the passenger floor board. It was a hand gun, probably a .45, since I've been playing Hitman: Blood Money all night and that's my weapon of choice. It had an extended clip and custom long barrel. Sweet.

I used it to blow the unlucky, unhappy, and unworthy of living Mr. Goof Troop the fuck away. My good gravy! What satisfaction. The second was someone else. It had to happen, and that's all there is to it. The third was myself, and I remember, before I went to that field, she said, over and over "Stop crying, I can't take it when you cry." My only reply was "I'm not, I've something in my eye."

I woke myself up just before the final pull of the trigger, and it really would have made the moment if the gunshot had echoed through my bedroom as I awoke, but alas! I'm not that much of a fuck-up. Did/do you ever do that (wake yourself up)? I remember when I was little, I'd used to have Scary Dreams, and I always knew what was going to happen. That's how I knew it was a dream, I could think independently of my dream self and know what my course of action would be, try to fight it, and fail miserably. I would always wake myself up right before the Scariness hit its climax, and be angry with myself for being so scared at an episode of Batman, or the zombie guys in Ocarina of Time.

Anyway, that's what's just happened. Throughout the dream, I knew everything ahead of time, where to find this person, what I was going to do, think, say... it was very much a dream and I knew it the entire time.

I just wasn't able to finish what I started.

And you know, normally, the first thing I think of when I wake up is "What time is it?" followed shortly by "What day is it?" Not this time, no, when I woke up however many minutes ago my first thought was "I'm so tired of this shit."


And the second thing I thought....

"It's really over."