The Search: Part Two

It began last night, when I planned on being asleep by nine pm. But I got into a conversation on AIM, and it turned out to be quite a night. This friend of mine (girl) and I were talking about her boyfriend and it turned then to other things. By ten, I was questioning everything. I finally made it to the warm sheets, and as I lay there, I thought about something she had said. Jaded... she told me not to let circumstances turn to to a jaded pessimist. So I questioned myself. I separated what I know from what I do not know, and truth from untruth. Then I realized I cannot do this, and separated what I thought I know from that which I am not of a solid mind. This continued for some time.

At swim practice the other day, I philosophized using mathematics. Cannot recall now, but maybe Zach can. Anyway, I began this last night, in the very bowels of my confusion. This proved uber-useful. The third derivative of x^2 is 0. Today I saw a picture of our galaxy in my physics book, the main bulge of it. How can we fathom this? How can we even fathom the size of our tiny planet, let alone the entire solar system. From there we have our 100,000 light year wide galaxy, which is only one of the twenty that make up the Local Group of galaxies. Something so small is insignificant. We don't care if that ant was on his way to work, he's dust now.

In the end, I found that everything is nothing. At then end of the week, after every function has been graphed, with every derivative applied, every velocity found, and every goddamn head-case diagnosed, it still is nothing. The only meaning we will ever find in life is the meaning we give it. Perception is indeed reality. Nothing is more true than instinct. From the chaos of the confusion that was so conspiringly set upon me came the most fortified feeling of self-worth and knowledge that I am right. My instinct will simply prevail. I have accused many of not thinking into a problem deeply enough, and I stand by what I've said, whatever it was. Trust your instincts, never lose your identity. Amate aut morite!